i jhust puked up my retainher.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
