I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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