Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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