idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Two words: blizzard sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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