I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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