On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
