I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
