Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm like, not good at living.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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