id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
