were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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