Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
