Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
