the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
