You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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