i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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