I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
