Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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