Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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