i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.