Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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