For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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