We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
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I forgot how hot balto sounded
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?