I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am naked and annoyed.