So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.