capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize