At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
