Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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