So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
