I love black thongs
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
