I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
