you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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