I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
