I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
