Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
