hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
