I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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