He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
