sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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