Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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