I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
