I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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