Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
