my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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