Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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