Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
