no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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