I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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