Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
