I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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