Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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