Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
