I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
