Someone shit on the floor
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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