what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
