That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize