He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
there's paper in my vomit.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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