Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
