bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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