Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
