Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
