he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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