Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
