I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
