I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
