I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
