Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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