She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
