I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
