i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I seem to have left my pride at pride
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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