I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
