put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
