They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
