it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
now i know why i became what i already was.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
