I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
