1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize